As my husband ministered to a young gentleman that came to him for advice at work the other day and commented to my husband that, "he seems to have it altogether in life," Harry was prompted to ask me to blog about the fact that we do NOT have it altogether, that we have the same struggles everyone else does (and then some)! :) For example, allow me to humor you with some fine illustrations from last weekend for instance!
So we started our weekend last Friday with plans to head to the gym together when Harry returned home from work and grab an hour workout together before plans to throw some burgers on the grill and pack them up to head to the community pool for some "Fox Family Friday Fun!" *Free marriage tip while I'm at it: wives - take an interest in something that your husband enjoys doing and do it together! He needs you to be a good recreational companion!
So for the "Harry & Jenn Show," one of those things that we both enjoy that we can do together, while taking care of our physical health and appearance for one another at the same time, is working out. Since we only had about an hour to spend at the gym, Harry decided he would forego his normal pumping iron routine and work alongside me with my 45 minute full body circuit which started on the treadmill! Side note: Harry had informed me as we were changing into workout attire that the waistband on his shorts seemed to be stretched out - an important side note as you will see! Anyway, moving on, I informed him that if he was gonna be my partner, he needed to "keep up" doing everything I do (of course lifting heavier on the weights than me)! :) So as he had our 16 yr. old daughter's HOT PINK Ipod in his ears, :) I pointed to the incline on my treadmill dashboard to indicate that he needed to start hitting the UP arrow to get that baby inclined to a 15 and up to a speed of at least 3.5! :)
I promise you that unless you are so privileged as to know how facially expressive my husband is, you CANNOT even begin to appreciate the hilarity of this story! In a nutshell, since we need to move on to the other events of the weekend, as he inclined his treadmill and increased his speed (all while listening to whatever songs our 16 yr old daughter enjoys from her HOT PINK Ipod), as he looked over and observed that I was having a hard time keeping a straight face, he thought it would be funny to "show off!" So he let go of the handles on his VERY INCLINED treadmill, started singing & dancing obnoxiously to whatever "girl" song was on the PINK Ipod! Did I mention that he is tone deaf and has precisely 0 sense of rythym??!! :)
Oh yes, as you very much saw coming, as he let go of the handles and began all his "showing off," he lost his balance and as he attempted to recover with a horrified look on his expressive face, yep, you guessed it - stretched out waistband faithfully gave way and down went his shorts!!!! :)
Part 2: And moving right along to Sunday!! :)
As we're leaving Covenant Life Church (I should mention a church of about 4000 members whose kids are all very well behaved), Belle and Lola Grace indicate that they need to use the bathroom before making our commute home! They have at this point sat through all of first service and an hr & 1/2 of our Starting Point class after - in other words, they are DONE with being at church for like 4 HOURS!!
We all go in the same "family stall" where there is a chair for Belle to sit patiently and wait while Lola Grace does her business! So, Lola Grace takes her position on the throne (oh my goodness, they are gonna kill me one day when they're grown and find out I put this story on my blog) and begins to become highly sensitive in her overtired state that her sister is, "looking at her butt!" So the events that followed sort of resembled this:
Lola: "Belle, stop looking at my butt!"
Belle: "I'm not looking at your butt!"
Lola: "Mommy, Belle's looking at my butt!"
I should mention, they are upset and yelling these statements at one another from the "privacy" of our stall, while the others are all otherwise FULLY occupied!! :)
Me: (under my breath): "Belle, please stop looking at your sister's butt!" (btw...do any other moms find themselves making statements like these, "Stop looking at your sister!" "Why are you using your father's golf clubs to dig holes in the yard?!" "Alright, WHO put lipgloss on the dog??!!" "Why did you throw that tennis ball in your sister's spaghetti??!!" - all real life illustrations no less)!! :)
Lola (the strong willed child not willing to let this point go unresolved and standing up off the throne, panties down around ankles, proceeding to the door of the stall with arms crossed): "Fine, I'm not going potty until Belle gets out!"
Me: "Belle, would you please give your sister some privacy and go to the next stall?"
Belle: "This isn't fair, I'm not even looking at her butt!"
Me: "Well if niether of you are going to go potty, then I'm going to go!" So undoing my pants to proceed with my threat.....
Lola: "No, I have to go potty, really really baaaaadddd and I'm not going until Belle gets out cuz she's lookin at my butt!"
Me (starting to lose patience with this whole fiasco, grabbing Belle's hand to lead her out of the stall into the next): "Belle, you need to go in the next stall!"
Belle (becoming STIFF and LIMP as if her bottom was HOT GLUED to that chair): "Why do I have to leave, I'm not even looking at her butt!"
Me (now quite frazzled and desperate and tugging a little harder to get this hot glued child out of the chair and toss her out of the stall): "Belle, you may not argue with me and you must obey!" (while giving that mortified, loving, motherly glare-oh, come on you know which one - your mother's looked at you like that too)!! :)
Belle (over-reacting to my tug & falling to the floor): "Ouch, Mommy you hurt my arm!"
Oh, just perfect, as if this bathroom FULL of mothers and well-mannered children did not already form an impression of my parenting abilities, now they are left with the impression from my over-reacting 9 yr. old, that I'm also abusive!!
Me (finally flat out of patience and ready to fall to the floor in meltdown mode alongside my 9 yr. old, forgetting in my frazzled state of mind to button or zip my pants back up or buckle my belt and scooping up my 5 yr. old, still with panties down around ankles and walking at a desperate pace, smiling through gritted teeth at the line of women outside of the stall to the final epiphany when I proceeded into the lobby to find their father - you know how they're suddenly HIS kids when you're are at the point of turning in your resignation to motherhood letter and walking passed the multitudes of people, oh yeah, including one of the Pastor's who Harry later informed me was waiting outside for his wife who had gone in that same bathroom with their well mannered children) to Harry through gritted teeth and hair standing on end: "We need to leave right away!"
Harry (bewildered as to all that has just transpired in the ladies room: "Why, what's wrong?!"
Me (responding to his line of questioning with absolutely no patience. tolerance for submission or respect for him as a human being let alone my husband, violently handing him his crying 5 yr old, still with pants down around ankles, may I add): "This is not the time to ask questions, we need to get to the van (yes, we drive a mini-van) right away!"
Me (Walking away at a speed that clearly indicated I was not at all happy, apparently with my BELT FLAPPING IN THE WIND AS I WALKED BY ONLOOKING PASTORS AND DOOR GREETERS, husband practically chasing me out the door with melting down children, and now noticing my 16 yr. old laughing hysterically): "Brittany, don't start, this is not funny!"
Brittany (highly concerned for my future reputation): "But mom...."
Me to Brittany: "This is NOT the time!"
Brittany (the only child obeying when she clearly shouldn't have at this point and after it was fully too late and I had walked all the way across the parking lot in this, well let's just say, UNDONE condition and finally arriving at the van): "Mom, I was trying to tell you that your pants and belt are undone!!!"
Me (systemactically looking down and then bursting into tears and looking at my husband, who is still confused as to what the heck is even going on, why he is chasing his storming wife out of the church building carrying a tantruming 5 yr. old with panties down around ankles who is screaming, "I have to go potty!" and who now somehow, is at fault for this entire incident): "You had better do something about these kids!!"
So, as I'm sure those Pastors and onlookers who seemed to have it altogether were made aware that they had quite a project on their hands with this unsubmissive, disrespectful wife, who had anger management and emotional issues and no apparent control over her children, let alone control over her well let's just say, MODESTY, let me reassure you of the reality...that rather, they were likely much like me, saying to themselves, "Thank God, I'm not alone, there goes another family struggling with the SAME exact daily battles I am faced with and we are all fully prone to utter depravity without the Lord's grace and help in our lives as we submit ourselves to full dependence on Him alone!" So, be encouraged today, NONE of us have it altogether!! Isn't that good news??!! You are not alone in your battle against the flesh today to do the things you don't want to do and neglect to do the things you DO want to do! It's a race - a process, that we are ALL running at different paces, one that none of us have fully arrived at the victory ribbon, but one that we need to continue faithfully running with endurance, patience, and perseverance, never growing weary in our shortcomings, but always maintaining hope that NONE of us will ever be perfect - hence, why we ALL need a perfect Savior!!
So we started our weekend last Friday with plans to head to the gym together when Harry returned home from work and grab an hour workout together before plans to throw some burgers on the grill and pack them up to head to the community pool for some "Fox Family Friday Fun!" *Free marriage tip while I'm at it: wives - take an interest in something that your husband enjoys doing and do it together! He needs you to be a good recreational companion!
So for the "Harry & Jenn Show," one of those things that we both enjoy that we can do together, while taking care of our physical health and appearance for one another at the same time, is working out. Since we only had about an hour to spend at the gym, Harry decided he would forego his normal pumping iron routine and work alongside me with my 45 minute full body circuit which started on the treadmill! Side note: Harry had informed me as we were changing into workout attire that the waistband on his shorts seemed to be stretched out - an important side note as you will see! Anyway, moving on, I informed him that if he was gonna be my partner, he needed to "keep up" doing everything I do (of course lifting heavier on the weights than me)! :) So as he had our 16 yr. old daughter's HOT PINK Ipod in his ears, :) I pointed to the incline on my treadmill dashboard to indicate that he needed to start hitting the UP arrow to get that baby inclined to a 15 and up to a speed of at least 3.5! :)
I promise you that unless you are so privileged as to know how facially expressive my husband is, you CANNOT even begin to appreciate the hilarity of this story! In a nutshell, since we need to move on to the other events of the weekend, as he inclined his treadmill and increased his speed (all while listening to whatever songs our 16 yr old daughter enjoys from her HOT PINK Ipod), as he looked over and observed that I was having a hard time keeping a straight face, he thought it would be funny to "show off!" So he let go of the handles on his VERY INCLINED treadmill, started singing & dancing obnoxiously to whatever "girl" song was on the PINK Ipod! Did I mention that he is tone deaf and has precisely 0 sense of rythym??!! :)
Oh yes, as you very much saw coming, as he let go of the handles and began all his "showing off," he lost his balance and as he attempted to recover with a horrified look on his expressive face, yep, you guessed it - stretched out waistband faithfully gave way and down went his shorts!!!! :)
Part 2: And moving right along to Sunday!! :)
As we're leaving Covenant Life Church (I should mention a church of about 4000 members whose kids are all very well behaved), Belle and Lola Grace indicate that they need to use the bathroom before making our commute home! They have at this point sat through all of first service and an hr & 1/2 of our Starting Point class after - in other words, they are DONE with being at church for like 4 HOURS!!
We all go in the same "family stall" where there is a chair for Belle to sit patiently and wait while Lola Grace does her business! So, Lola Grace takes her position on the throne (oh my goodness, they are gonna kill me one day when they're grown and find out I put this story on my blog) and begins to become highly sensitive in her overtired state that her sister is, "looking at her butt!" So the events that followed sort of resembled this:
Lola: "Belle, stop looking at my butt!"
Belle: "I'm not looking at your butt!"
Lola: "Mommy, Belle's looking at my butt!"
I should mention, they are upset and yelling these statements at one another from the "privacy" of our stall, while the others are all otherwise FULLY occupied!! :)
Me: (under my breath): "Belle, please stop looking at your sister's butt!" (btw...do any other moms find themselves making statements like these, "Stop looking at your sister!" "Why are you using your father's golf clubs to dig holes in the yard?!" "Alright, WHO put lipgloss on the dog??!!" "Why did you throw that tennis ball in your sister's spaghetti??!!" - all real life illustrations no less)!! :)
Lola (the strong willed child not willing to let this point go unresolved and standing up off the throne, panties down around ankles, proceeding to the door of the stall with arms crossed): "Fine, I'm not going potty until Belle gets out!"
Me: "Belle, would you please give your sister some privacy and go to the next stall?"
Belle: "This isn't fair, I'm not even looking at her butt!"
Me: "Well if niether of you are going to go potty, then I'm going to go!" So undoing my pants to proceed with my threat.....
Lola: "No, I have to go potty, really really baaaaadddd and I'm not going until Belle gets out cuz she's lookin at my butt!"
Me (starting to lose patience with this whole fiasco, grabbing Belle's hand to lead her out of the stall into the next): "Belle, you need to go in the next stall!"
Belle (becoming STIFF and LIMP as if her bottom was HOT GLUED to that chair): "Why do I have to leave, I'm not even looking at her butt!"
Me (now quite frazzled and desperate and tugging a little harder to get this hot glued child out of the chair and toss her out of the stall): "Belle, you may not argue with me and you must obey!" (while giving that mortified, loving, motherly glare-oh, come on you know which one - your mother's looked at you like that too)!! :)
Belle (over-reacting to my tug & falling to the floor): "Ouch, Mommy you hurt my arm!"
Oh, just perfect, as if this bathroom FULL of mothers and well-mannered children did not already form an impression of my parenting abilities, now they are left with the impression from my over-reacting 9 yr. old, that I'm also abusive!!
Me (finally flat out of patience and ready to fall to the floor in meltdown mode alongside my 9 yr. old, forgetting in my frazzled state of mind to button or zip my pants back up or buckle my belt and scooping up my 5 yr. old, still with panties down around ankles and walking at a desperate pace, smiling through gritted teeth at the line of women outside of the stall to the final epiphany when I proceeded into the lobby to find their father - you know how they're suddenly HIS kids when you're are at the point of turning in your resignation to motherhood letter and walking passed the multitudes of people, oh yeah, including one of the Pastor's who Harry later informed me was waiting outside for his wife who had gone in that same bathroom with their well mannered children) to Harry through gritted teeth and hair standing on end: "We need to leave right away!"
Harry (bewildered as to all that has just transpired in the ladies room: "Why, what's wrong?!"
Me (responding to his line of questioning with absolutely no patience. tolerance for submission or respect for him as a human being let alone my husband, violently handing him his crying 5 yr old, still with pants down around ankles, may I add): "This is not the time to ask questions, we need to get to the van (yes, we drive a mini-van) right away!"
Me (Walking away at a speed that clearly indicated I was not at all happy, apparently with my BELT FLAPPING IN THE WIND AS I WALKED BY ONLOOKING PASTORS AND DOOR GREETERS, husband practically chasing me out the door with melting down children, and now noticing my 16 yr. old laughing hysterically): "Brittany, don't start, this is not funny!"
Brittany (highly concerned for my future reputation): "But mom...."
Me to Brittany: "This is NOT the time!"
Brittany (the only child obeying when she clearly shouldn't have at this point and after it was fully too late and I had walked all the way across the parking lot in this, well let's just say, UNDONE condition and finally arriving at the van): "Mom, I was trying to tell you that your pants and belt are undone!!!"
Me (systemactically looking down and then bursting into tears and looking at my husband, who is still confused as to what the heck is even going on, why he is chasing his storming wife out of the church building carrying a tantruming 5 yr. old with panties down around ankles who is screaming, "I have to go potty!" and who now somehow, is at fault for this entire incident): "You had better do something about these kids!!"
So, as I'm sure those Pastors and onlookers who seemed to have it altogether were made aware that they had quite a project on their hands with this unsubmissive, disrespectful wife, who had anger management and emotional issues and no apparent control over her children, let alone control over her well let's just say, MODESTY, let me reassure you of the reality...that rather, they were likely much like me, saying to themselves, "Thank God, I'm not alone, there goes another family struggling with the SAME exact daily battles I am faced with and we are all fully prone to utter depravity without the Lord's grace and help in our lives as we submit ourselves to full dependence on Him alone!" So, be encouraged today, NONE of us have it altogether!! Isn't that good news??!! You are not alone in your battle against the flesh today to do the things you don't want to do and neglect to do the things you DO want to do! It's a race - a process, that we are ALL running at different paces, one that none of us have fully arrived at the victory ribbon, but one that we need to continue faithfully running with endurance, patience, and perseverance, never growing weary in our shortcomings, but always maintaining hope that NONE of us will ever be perfect - hence, why we ALL need a perfect Savior!!
