I've posted below a message from one of my favorite Pastors, Charles Stanley, this morning because as many of you know, this message hits so close to home in this particular season. My husband recently lost his job precisely because he chose to stand firm in his convictions, to follow principles rather than preferences, approval, and even his very career. I make this statement humbly only to make a point that this was a prestigious and high paying position lost so the cost was great, however the true cost was sacrificed by the One who made the ultimate sacrifice and so we count it all but loss and stand by the principles of the One who truly sacrificed it ALL!
Along with that stature and salary/benefits package came the following: keeping hours that allowed him to be home and participate in his children's lives at an extremely limited level, 3-4+ hours of commuting to and from Washington, D.C. everyday, in addition to keeping extravagant hours, and worst of all, he was being placed in compromising positions that caused him to have to chose between standing by his principles or putting his career on the line. There are too many illustrations of daily and weekly expectations of compromise over the last year with this company to discuss in this particular post, however, I do want to be specific with a few examples because as I hear reports from others in similar situations, I believe that this is how many companies are choosing to operate in current times for the sake of "team building," in essence sacrificing the "home team," and there are men and women right now as I write, being placed in similar circumstances and I would strongly encourage you to live by example!
Harry from the very beginning of accepting his new career opportunity, was placed in a position where the other Project Manager of the project he was managing was a woman in her mid-30's. Although MY personal preferences in my insecure mind would have been otherwise, that in and of itself is to be expected in current times. Men and women have to work together. That's unavoidable and just part of life. Where it became a little problematic was when they were expected to work long hours together, in an on-site office, meaning the lack of other personnel or accountability, lunch or dinner depending on the hour being brought in for them as they sat in meetings or worked on a project together for hours upon hours, and finally, Harry returning home most nights too late to have any marriage or family time together only to receive phone calls and emails on his Blackberry from her and others at all hours of the night and weekends. Of course when working so closely with someone in this type of setting most waking hours of your life, regardless of the boundaries Harry tried to put in place, unless he was outright rude to her, it became difficult to avoid the conversations that she often attempted to take beyond the scope of business. I grew concerned when we attended a black tie company gala in January and noticed that she felt very comfortable rubbing my husband's back with her hand as we entered the event.
Then in April, Harry was informed that he was being assigned a 21 year old female intern from Purdue University for the summer. He was directly assigned to be her mentor and responsibilities listed in the Memo from Human Resources included training her up within the company, as well as in the industry as a whole, assigning, monitoring, grading, etc., "meaningful" assignments, keeping track of her time and records required with the internship program, allowing her to shadow him at all times, including taking her in his personal vehicle to all job site visits, inspections, meetings, etc.
Here's where we get to standing firm in principles: the memo further instructed that a live web cam meeting had been scheduled for them for the initial introduction from where she was at Purdue University. He was expected to begin building a relationship with her over web cam until her arrival on May 16th, when a formal Mentor/Intern luncheon was scheduled for their in person meeting, followed by a series of orientations that he was to attend with her, followed by weekly formal Mentor/Intern luncheons and dinners he would be required to attend with her, and a Mentor/Intern Happy Hour scheduled for every Friday after work at various locations. The memo stated that a White Water Rafting Team Building Adventure had been scheduled for Mentors and their Interns on June 24th that he was expected to attend with his intern. Now I may be naive, but I am not so naive as to believe that there is a difference in the attire one might wear to the office and what one may where rafting in the river and further, Harry and I were both quite uncomfortable with a 21 year old girl in a bikini holding on for dear life to my husband's waist in a raft as they braved the raging white waters. As the summer progressed there were limousine rides scheduled and going away parties, project parties, staff meetings at Dave and Busters as well as other restaurants, bars, bowling alleys, and even the National Zoo!
Needless to say, Harry and I were both equally uncomfortable with all of the above and he was forced with no choice but to go to his boss and voice his concerns, that he was a married man of faith with children, that he was a leader in his church, that his wife was also on the Women's Leadership Team at church, as well as pursuing ministry, and that he simply was not going to be "dating" his intern at work. Unfortunately, after taking his concerns to 2 different levels of management, he was basically advised that he needed to separate his work from his personal life and that if he couldn't do so, he would receive poor job performance evaluations and ultimately his job would be at risk. His response and following actions were that he was going to stand by his convictions and if it cost him his job, then so be it, he would not waver.
After 5 months of fulfilling his obligations to his intern on a professional level, which was not easy on our marriage (Harry and I will blog together more in depth on this in the near future in a marriage segment) even at that level of this 21 year old girl spending 12 hours a day, everyday with my husband, lunches and dinners being brought in for hours and hours worth of meetings, and then after spending all day together, calling and emailing him on his Blackberry as early as 6:30 am and as late as 11:30 at night and all weekend long, he did not waver on the "team building" social engagements scheduled. The result was that every time Harry found a more suitable replacement for himself to attend a scheduled outside event like the rafting trip or he didn't show up at a scheduled outside event at a bar room, his boss would faithfully call him into his office the next day interrogating him as to his reasons for his absence. The situation grew more intense as Harry stood firm and his boss became visibly hostile with Harry, barely speaking to him most days, and when he did, it was in an angry, demeaning manner, even at one point, THROWING papers across the desk AT Harry. All I can say to that behavior is that his boss should have been thankful Harry was a man of faith in that moment because 15 years ago, well, lets just say, those poor innocent papers would have found themselves down the esophagus of a man pleading for an extension of his existence on this planet! :)
Nonetheless, sadly the end result was this: Harry succeeded in meeting the substantial completion of a fast track project at the National Cathedral (despite setbacks of interns, earthquakes, and hurricanes), on 9/6/11. On 9/7/11, yet another after hours "project party" was scheduled at a nearby pub, an establishment that had already been frequented by the same "project team" on a weekly basis for the past several weeks. As usual, Harry chose to attend his daughter's "Back To School Night" at her school that evening rather than attend the project party and subsequently, the very following day on 9/8/11, he was met in his office by his boss, the Executive Director of the Business Development Unit, and Vice President of Human Resources to perform his "exit interview," where he was falsely and viciously accused by his direct boss and basically escorted from the premises as though he were some sort of criminal.
Where are we today, 1 month later? Well, we certainly didn't go down without a fight. We fought for Harry's job and we fought for justice, meeting with other executives within the company, writing a letter to the President, CEO, and Owner of the company, and even consulting with multiple attorneys to no avail. As with other life circumstances, we have come to accept that this is yet another injustice and trust that a Sovereign, just, loving, righteous God who controls the outcome of the universe will work this out for our good and His glory. Right now, we've lost our income, our livelihood, our 401K, our health insurance, etc. Harry has lost out on 2 project bonuses owed to him for completion of 2 projects that this same boss will now receive his portion along with Harry's, along with 3 weeks paid vacation and other benefits. Harry is left to attempt to find employment in this economy in an industry that has been directly hit hard by this particular economy, at his age where he is almost not even marketable in this particular industry and now with a termination on his record (a termination without cause, but nonetheless, what the record shows, is termination). In addition to those limitations as far as our future livelihood, Harry doesn't even know that he wants to return to an industry where this type of "team building" is the norm. For lack of a better description, the hours, commute, stress, expectations, compromising positions, etc., over the last year with this company has left him completely burnt out.
In OUR limited view, the future is bleak. We have barely recovered from being downsized a yr and 1/2 ago, leaving us without income for 4-5 months of job searching and finally needing to pack up everything, start over, and relocate our lives, leaving behind a house in VA worth nearly $100K less than what we paid for just a few years ago. Just 3 weeks before being terminated, we had just signed a year lease on a house closer to work for Harry to help with the toll the commute was taking on him. We're sort of left scratching our heads with boxes still packed as to whether or not its wisdom to even unpack them. We literally are on the brink of financial ruin. That is in our limited perspective. But we serve a God that can do anything. He can make what seems impossible, possible. My testimony is evidence of that alone. If the consequence for standing firm in our principles is that we lose everything, so be it. For what does a man gain if he gains the whole world, yet loses his soul. Yet, if the consequence for standing firm in our principles is blessing, so be it. The best job Harry has ever had could be right around the corner. Who knows what the future holds. We have to rely on our manna for today and not be anxious for the future. Every need has been met so far, and we are full of faith that every need will continue to be met.
It's challenging, there's no doubt. Most days I have to preach this to myself as I wrestle. But I very timely awoke to this message on my TV this morning as I went to bed discouraged. I would encourage you to watch the message I've posted below from Dr. Stanley with our story in mind. Particularly, I love the illustration he provides at the end of his message, and I'm paraphrasing, but he gives an example that preference is an unmarked road traveled, weaving side to side vs. principle where the road traveled has a white center line for us to follow which would represent following the safety of God's principles and suppose you were traveling 75mph down a road with no white line and banks on each side. Would you consider that to be dangerous? What road would you travel? The unmarked road where the potential dangers are unknown or the marked road where the the white line protects you from danger? I don't know what you are facing today. But I do know, despite what it looks like from the outside, stand by your principles, no matter the cost and walk in the victory of knowing you did not compromise!
Along with that stature and salary/benefits package came the following: keeping hours that allowed him to be home and participate in his children's lives at an extremely limited level, 3-4+ hours of commuting to and from Washington, D.C. everyday, in addition to keeping extravagant hours, and worst of all, he was being placed in compromising positions that caused him to have to chose between standing by his principles or putting his career on the line. There are too many illustrations of daily and weekly expectations of compromise over the last year with this company to discuss in this particular post, however, I do want to be specific with a few examples because as I hear reports from others in similar situations, I believe that this is how many companies are choosing to operate in current times for the sake of "team building," in essence sacrificing the "home team," and there are men and women right now as I write, being placed in similar circumstances and I would strongly encourage you to live by example!
Harry from the very beginning of accepting his new career opportunity, was placed in a position where the other Project Manager of the project he was managing was a woman in her mid-30's. Although MY personal preferences in my insecure mind would have been otherwise, that in and of itself is to be expected in current times. Men and women have to work together. That's unavoidable and just part of life. Where it became a little problematic was when they were expected to work long hours together, in an on-site office, meaning the lack of other personnel or accountability, lunch or dinner depending on the hour being brought in for them as they sat in meetings or worked on a project together for hours upon hours, and finally, Harry returning home most nights too late to have any marriage or family time together only to receive phone calls and emails on his Blackberry from her and others at all hours of the night and weekends. Of course when working so closely with someone in this type of setting most waking hours of your life, regardless of the boundaries Harry tried to put in place, unless he was outright rude to her, it became difficult to avoid the conversations that she often attempted to take beyond the scope of business. I grew concerned when we attended a black tie company gala in January and noticed that she felt very comfortable rubbing my husband's back with her hand as we entered the event.
Then in April, Harry was informed that he was being assigned a 21 year old female intern from Purdue University for the summer. He was directly assigned to be her mentor and responsibilities listed in the Memo from Human Resources included training her up within the company, as well as in the industry as a whole, assigning, monitoring, grading, etc., "meaningful" assignments, keeping track of her time and records required with the internship program, allowing her to shadow him at all times, including taking her in his personal vehicle to all job site visits, inspections, meetings, etc.
Here's where we get to standing firm in principles: the memo further instructed that a live web cam meeting had been scheduled for them for the initial introduction from where she was at Purdue University. He was expected to begin building a relationship with her over web cam until her arrival on May 16th, when a formal Mentor/Intern luncheon was scheduled for their in person meeting, followed by a series of orientations that he was to attend with her, followed by weekly formal Mentor/Intern luncheons and dinners he would be required to attend with her, and a Mentor/Intern Happy Hour scheduled for every Friday after work at various locations. The memo stated that a White Water Rafting Team Building Adventure had been scheduled for Mentors and their Interns on June 24th that he was expected to attend with his intern. Now I may be naive, but I am not so naive as to believe that there is a difference in the attire one might wear to the office and what one may where rafting in the river and further, Harry and I were both quite uncomfortable with a 21 year old girl in a bikini holding on for dear life to my husband's waist in a raft as they braved the raging white waters. As the summer progressed there were limousine rides scheduled and going away parties, project parties, staff meetings at Dave and Busters as well as other restaurants, bars, bowling alleys, and even the National Zoo!
Needless to say, Harry and I were both equally uncomfortable with all of the above and he was forced with no choice but to go to his boss and voice his concerns, that he was a married man of faith with children, that he was a leader in his church, that his wife was also on the Women's Leadership Team at church, as well as pursuing ministry, and that he simply was not going to be "dating" his intern at work. Unfortunately, after taking his concerns to 2 different levels of management, he was basically advised that he needed to separate his work from his personal life and that if he couldn't do so, he would receive poor job performance evaluations and ultimately his job would be at risk. His response and following actions were that he was going to stand by his convictions and if it cost him his job, then so be it, he would not waver.
After 5 months of fulfilling his obligations to his intern on a professional level, which was not easy on our marriage (Harry and I will blog together more in depth on this in the near future in a marriage segment) even at that level of this 21 year old girl spending 12 hours a day, everyday with my husband, lunches and dinners being brought in for hours and hours worth of meetings, and then after spending all day together, calling and emailing him on his Blackberry as early as 6:30 am and as late as 11:30 at night and all weekend long, he did not waver on the "team building" social engagements scheduled. The result was that every time Harry found a more suitable replacement for himself to attend a scheduled outside event like the rafting trip or he didn't show up at a scheduled outside event at a bar room, his boss would faithfully call him into his office the next day interrogating him as to his reasons for his absence. The situation grew more intense as Harry stood firm and his boss became visibly hostile with Harry, barely speaking to him most days, and when he did, it was in an angry, demeaning manner, even at one point, THROWING papers across the desk AT Harry. All I can say to that behavior is that his boss should have been thankful Harry was a man of faith in that moment because 15 years ago, well, lets just say, those poor innocent papers would have found themselves down the esophagus of a man pleading for an extension of his existence on this planet! :)
Nonetheless, sadly the end result was this: Harry succeeded in meeting the substantial completion of a fast track project at the National Cathedral (despite setbacks of interns, earthquakes, and hurricanes), on 9/6/11. On 9/7/11, yet another after hours "project party" was scheduled at a nearby pub, an establishment that had already been frequented by the same "project team" on a weekly basis for the past several weeks. As usual, Harry chose to attend his daughter's "Back To School Night" at her school that evening rather than attend the project party and subsequently, the very following day on 9/8/11, he was met in his office by his boss, the Executive Director of the Business Development Unit, and Vice President of Human Resources to perform his "exit interview," where he was falsely and viciously accused by his direct boss and basically escorted from the premises as though he were some sort of criminal.
Where are we today, 1 month later? Well, we certainly didn't go down without a fight. We fought for Harry's job and we fought for justice, meeting with other executives within the company, writing a letter to the President, CEO, and Owner of the company, and even consulting with multiple attorneys to no avail. As with other life circumstances, we have come to accept that this is yet another injustice and trust that a Sovereign, just, loving, righteous God who controls the outcome of the universe will work this out for our good and His glory. Right now, we've lost our income, our livelihood, our 401K, our health insurance, etc. Harry has lost out on 2 project bonuses owed to him for completion of 2 projects that this same boss will now receive his portion along with Harry's, along with 3 weeks paid vacation and other benefits. Harry is left to attempt to find employment in this economy in an industry that has been directly hit hard by this particular economy, at his age where he is almost not even marketable in this particular industry and now with a termination on his record (a termination without cause, but nonetheless, what the record shows, is termination). In addition to those limitations as far as our future livelihood, Harry doesn't even know that he wants to return to an industry where this type of "team building" is the norm. For lack of a better description, the hours, commute, stress, expectations, compromising positions, etc., over the last year with this company has left him completely burnt out.
In OUR limited view, the future is bleak. We have barely recovered from being downsized a yr and 1/2 ago, leaving us without income for 4-5 months of job searching and finally needing to pack up everything, start over, and relocate our lives, leaving behind a house in VA worth nearly $100K less than what we paid for just a few years ago. Just 3 weeks before being terminated, we had just signed a year lease on a house closer to work for Harry to help with the toll the commute was taking on him. We're sort of left scratching our heads with boxes still packed as to whether or not its wisdom to even unpack them. We literally are on the brink of financial ruin. That is in our limited perspective. But we serve a God that can do anything. He can make what seems impossible, possible. My testimony is evidence of that alone. If the consequence for standing firm in our principles is that we lose everything, so be it. For what does a man gain if he gains the whole world, yet loses his soul. Yet, if the consequence for standing firm in our principles is blessing, so be it. The best job Harry has ever had could be right around the corner. Who knows what the future holds. We have to rely on our manna for today and not be anxious for the future. Every need has been met so far, and we are full of faith that every need will continue to be met.
It's challenging, there's no doubt. Most days I have to preach this to myself as I wrestle. But I very timely awoke to this message on my TV this morning as I went to bed discouraged. I would encourage you to watch the message I've posted below from Dr. Stanley with our story in mind. Particularly, I love the illustration he provides at the end of his message, and I'm paraphrasing, but he gives an example that preference is an unmarked road traveled, weaving side to side vs. principle where the road traveled has a white center line for us to follow which would represent following the safety of God's principles and suppose you were traveling 75mph down a road with no white line and banks on each side. Would you consider that to be dangerous? What road would you travel? The unmarked road where the potential dangers are unknown or the marked road where the the white line protects you from danger? I don't know what you are facing today. But I do know, despite what it looks like from the outside, stand by your principles, no matter the cost and walk in the victory of knowing you did not compromise!
Jen, we'll be praying for all of you and your situation!
ReplyDeleteThough very different in many ways, we've had quite a ride with employers the past 8 years from moving to Maryland, moving back to Richmond after 14-15 months, losing the position he moved back for after 2 years, and now moving back to Maryland in short order! No time for details on all of them now, but Integrity and Principles have played huge parts in every position.
This current move (Mark's new job starts 11/7th outside Baltimore - the girls and I will be here quite a while longer) takes us to Maryland where we know we'll have a shortfall each month - and a huge one if unable to rent our home here for close to our mortgage - but we remain with a company who has proven their integrity. It will be up to God to provide what we need to not foreclose at some point in that case. But if we lose the house eventually, we lose the house. Better to stand in God's courts one day and hear "well done" than to worry about keeping our home here and now!
The contract is ending here, and it was "iffy" that Mark was going to be offered anything by the incoming contractor. He seems to have been blackballed by the warden after an incident in which Mark stood up for an employee, in opposition to the warden - and for what is "right" - and the warden was not happy. In addition, the incoming contractor has done so many things to already prove they lack the integrity and principles of Mark's current company. We've witnessed that for 4.5 years and after two jobs prior in which Mark worried daily about the lack of integrity of the people/companies for whom he worked, we prefer to just worry about money if we are going to worry at all!
What we found in our months of unemployment, four years back, was that God ministered to us in ways beyond our wildest dreams. It wasn't how much brothers and sisters shared with us as much as it was their sacrifices to do so and how it ministered to our hearts and souls that forever changed us.
In the end, Mark had to go back to working two jobs (back to RGS) to equal his one paycheck. After a promotion this year, 4 years later, he was finally at a place where we thought we could cut back some on the second a job a little bit to have more time and energy for the girls, our family, and especially "ministry" - whatever that might look like for our family. But with the move, as soon as we are sure it's not only temporary (the contract ends 12/31st of this year right now!), Mark will have to get licensed and start a counseling practice in Maryland.
Honestly, I've been kicking and screaming over this one until just the last couple of days. Not that we had any other choice, really. but it's "funny" how I so resist what God will use to grow me the most!
I gather you're closer in to D.C. now, but we'd love to get together sometime! Looks like we'll probably be in temporary housing in Anne Arundel county, but when it's time to "settle" (if we're settling in Maryland for a while) we could be as far west as Frederick and as far south as Silver Spring. But once we know where we'll be, let's plan something for November or December. The girls and I (and the dog) will be back and forth for 2 or more months.
I know how this just "stinks" from our human vantage point. I'd love to see what God sees when He looks at your situation (and mine) - knowing the end of our story - and how it fits into the end of His Story. I look forward to seeing what God is going to do for you and your family in the coming weeks and months!
In Christ alone,
Kari