As I begin a day of checking off a "to do" list a mile long, and was just simply "minding my own business" tending to MY business, and just had music playing in the background to help me along, isn't He always faithful to call me to tend to HIS business! The song that I have posted on the blog below (Please click play on it and listen after reading this post), absolutely TORE me up when I heard it and went from singing along to a tune that was just really nice, to really digesting the words, and it occurred to me that my faithful, loving Father was speaking to me, as He knows that no matter how busy I am this week, my heart is breaking inside, and He knows why, and as much as I have on my to do list right now and as much as I would be far more comfortable keeping these secret places of my heart between Him and I, I have learned through my journey in life that when I listen and obey, He always is faithful to "give grace to the humble," and always uses it in a big way, so I don't know who this is for, but I know He does.
We'll get into more of the details on this particular topic of "Prodigals" in the very near future, but for the sake of time right now, what I believe I was specifically led to share with someone was this: a few days ago, I was called to make an extremely difficult decision and take a very specific action that anyone who is a parent or anyone just walking through anything with someone they care about can relate to, I'm sure.
In my son's darkest hour, when he literally is going through withdrawal from many substances, restrained behind bars, isolated from the outside world, self-alienated from everyone who cares about him as he one by one, self destructs each and every relationship in his life, even expressing a desire to end his very life, I had to do one of the most difficult things I have ever done - and I've done alot of difficult things - especially concerning this child. I had to take his last call for now, long enough to tell him I love him but that I can't help him anymore until he is ready, I had to let him know I wouldn't be there for our visit that night, I wouldn't be accepting his collect calls any longer, I wouldn't be depositing money in his canteen account for anything he may need there, and I had to hang up on him. I cannot even attempt to describe what this felt like. It was awful, absolutely awful, to say the least, I cried ALL DAY (and night for that matter), I was physically sick and it felt wrong on so many levels, yet I knew it was absolutely necessary and what I needed to do.
Sometimes in life, we need to do things that do not feel natural as a parent, that we absolutely HATE doing, in order to get out of the way and let God be the parent for a while - a theory I have come to apply for really the last 10 years of life with this particular child - this posture of constantly keeping him surrendered and letting God be in control of his life for a season while I am asked to surrender and get out of the way in a sense. Sometimes, even though we don't mean to, we feel like we're loving them or helping them, what we are in essence doing is enabling them. And even though I chose a while ago to stop enabling Zachary in many ways, I was still enabling him by the very nature of just being available to him and although each circumstance is different, in this particular instance, I was enabling him by simply giving him a comfortable place to fall and ultimately not allowing him to hit his "rock bottom." So long as I'm always there, loving and reassuring him, he will never come to that desperate place of needing the Lord - which is his ONLY hope!
So although, I knew there was the potential that I could be getting it wrong, I'm human, and a mistake in this matter could be tragic, I had to trust God, and trust that God wasn't going to let me down on this one and was going to honor my faith and obedience to the level of, "I entirely surrender this kid God, I'm trusting you to do all that needs to be done, protecting, sustaining, and holding his very life in your hands." And so I dedicate this song to my son Zachary, and even though he can't hear it, I declare the lyrics of Victory over his circumstances and his very life...
"Who knows, how He'll get ahold of us...
Get our attention, to prove He is enough...
He'll do, and He'll USE...
WHATEVER HE WANTS TO...
To tell us, I love you!"
For the parents of prodigals, (and I am convinced this is one of the toughest battles on earth), may we link arms in the battle for our children's very souls and Walk In Victory as we declare those lyrics over our children today!
We'll get into more of the details on this particular topic of "Prodigals" in the very near future, but for the sake of time right now, what I believe I was specifically led to share with someone was this: a few days ago, I was called to make an extremely difficult decision and take a very specific action that anyone who is a parent or anyone just walking through anything with someone they care about can relate to, I'm sure.
In my son's darkest hour, when he literally is going through withdrawal from many substances, restrained behind bars, isolated from the outside world, self-alienated from everyone who cares about him as he one by one, self destructs each and every relationship in his life, even expressing a desire to end his very life, I had to do one of the most difficult things I have ever done - and I've done alot of difficult things - especially concerning this child. I had to take his last call for now, long enough to tell him I love him but that I can't help him anymore until he is ready, I had to let him know I wouldn't be there for our visit that night, I wouldn't be accepting his collect calls any longer, I wouldn't be depositing money in his canteen account for anything he may need there, and I had to hang up on him. I cannot even attempt to describe what this felt like. It was awful, absolutely awful, to say the least, I cried ALL DAY (and night for that matter), I was physically sick and it felt wrong on so many levels, yet I knew it was absolutely necessary and what I needed to do.
Sometimes in life, we need to do things that do not feel natural as a parent, that we absolutely HATE doing, in order to get out of the way and let God be the parent for a while - a theory I have come to apply for really the last 10 years of life with this particular child - this posture of constantly keeping him surrendered and letting God be in control of his life for a season while I am asked to surrender and get out of the way in a sense. Sometimes, even though we don't mean to, we feel like we're loving them or helping them, what we are in essence doing is enabling them. And even though I chose a while ago to stop enabling Zachary in many ways, I was still enabling him by the very nature of just being available to him and although each circumstance is different, in this particular instance, I was enabling him by simply giving him a comfortable place to fall and ultimately not allowing him to hit his "rock bottom." So long as I'm always there, loving and reassuring him, he will never come to that desperate place of needing the Lord - which is his ONLY hope!
So although, I knew there was the potential that I could be getting it wrong, I'm human, and a mistake in this matter could be tragic, I had to trust God, and trust that God wasn't going to let me down on this one and was going to honor my faith and obedience to the level of, "I entirely surrender this kid God, I'm trusting you to do all that needs to be done, protecting, sustaining, and holding his very life in your hands." And so I dedicate this song to my son Zachary, and even though he can't hear it, I declare the lyrics of Victory over his circumstances and his very life...
"Who knows, how He'll get ahold of us...
Get our attention, to prove He is enough...
He'll do, and He'll USE...
WHATEVER HE WANTS TO...
To tell us, I love you!"
For the parents of prodigals, (and I am convinced this is one of the toughest battles on earth), may we link arms in the battle for our children's very souls and Walk In Victory as we declare those lyrics over our children today!
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