I carry a very strong & personal burden in my heart for Parents of every stage and season. Likely because I am one & because I have struggled to be "good" at it, they don't come with instructions, I am absolutely convinced that it is not only the single most important job on earth but also the most challenging & rewarding. I believe the Lord providentially allowed my family to be designed in such a way that I could minister to and encourage others based on my broad spectrum of experience with 4 children, currently ages 4-18. That covers nearly every stage of child development, Preschooler, Grade Schooler, Teenager, & Young Adult, with the exception of the infant phase, and well, I've had to pass through that stage 4 times to get to this point! :)
I by no means have arrived, I am by no means the perfect parent, I'm just like you, I have the same struggles, the same insecurities, worries, lack of experience, successes and failures. My heart for you as we journey along together down the parenting road is to share with you along the way in this ministry the training I have received, the lessons I have learned, the mistakes I have made, & that together we engage in the battle for the hearts of our children and fight the good fight of faith and have more and more moments of walking in victory in this complicated area of life rather than defeat!
I could not even begin to cover all there is to learn in the area of parenting in a lifetime, yet alone in a blog publishing for 1 day. However, what I can do is share with you experiences along the way that touch my heart in a way that I sense that another parent can be encouraged, spurred on, and ministered to.
In this particular post, the theme of my life in the parenting arena this week has been "Keep It All In Perspective." What do I mean by that? Well, let's begin with a reflection on some humor that I hope you can relate to. The problem with doing so is that for those of you who know me personally, there are just too many of those stories to possibly even begin to reflect on or share! To name just a few that come to mind off the top of my head, there are few professions like that of parenthood that cause us to drive to Michael's to purchase some craft supplies for a project, by the time you have arrived, you have completely forgotten why you have arrived there in the first place, only to eventually get to the check-out counter to pay, begin to write a check (because your husband otherwise has all the debit/credit cards & cash), and as you start filling in each line on the check you get to the line that reads, "date," and you completely draw blank. No, I'm not referring to the common practice among us of forgetting the day or worst case scenario maybe even the month. I am talking about entirely drawing blank as to what YEAR it is!! Imagine the dilemma of being in a position of needing to ask your cashier, "Excuse me ma'am, could you tell me the date?" To which she matter of factly responds, "Sure, it's the ____ (giving you the number date of the actual day)." You then break out in a cold sweat and hives and clear your throat as you try to ask in a tone that the other's in line behind you won't overhear when you ask a follow up question such as this, "Could you please tell me what YEAR it is?!" :)
As a matter of fact, as I reflect, I seem to have had many of these "Mommy Moments" throughout the course of my career as a mother! As I type in this very moment I seem to recall a similar occassion where upon standing in a post office line to mail a few items, it became necessary to ask (again in front of people that always seem to have it all together) the postal worker waiting on me, "Excuse me, ma'am, could you tell me how much a postage stamp is these days because I have a book of them here in my purse but it seems like I recently recall something being mentioned about postage going up and I'm not sure if these are outdated?!"
It's absolutely amazing to me as I reflect that any of the service people I have dealt with over the years of motherhood have patiently answered my absurd questions, but the fact that they have allowed me to walk out with my children still in tote and have not otherwise dialed 911 to report that a mentally ill and disoriented patient who does not even know what YEAR it currently is, has seemingly escaped a nearby psychiatric ward, is absolutely astonishing to me! :)
I humbly admit these rather embarrassing mishaps to you to prove to you that yes, we will one day look back in belly laughter, but more so because I KNOW you can relate! Please tell me you can at least and that I am not the only mother on planet Earth who has a reputation of putting ice cream away in the pantry rather than the freezer!
What occurred to me Monday afternoon when my 8 year old came home from school in tears and again last night during the what can usually be an hour long process of bedtime routine between my husband and I with our 8 & 4 year olds, is that we must keep it all in perspective. It amazes me that even in 2nd grade, 8 year old little girls wrestle with jealousy over one another. As my husband and I laugh at these little stories of drama that cause our 8 year old to arrive at the bus stop in tears which often (at least this week anyway) last for hours, and seem to be rehearsed in their 8 year old little minds over and over until they do exactly what we as adults do. We rehearse angers and hurts in our minds until we completely lose all control over our thought lives and become almost obsessed with the situation until we ultimately end up defeated. Anyway, that said, I guess there are 2 things on my heart for you from walking through this with her this week keeping with the theme of keeping it all in perspective.
(1) It is so important that we as parents be available to our children. There are so many negative influences in our current world writing messages on their impressionable little hearts, molding and shaping their character. We have to almost double our efforts and realign our priorities if necessary in order to ensure that WE as parents are the primary source of leaving these messages on their hearts and more so that we are writing the right messages! As I have reflected in order to know how to guide my little Belle through this situation wreaking havoc in her little spirit this week, I am soberly aware of this: What if I weren't available when she has arrived at the bus stop this week in emotional turmoil? Who and what message would be engrained in her tender little heart about how to resolve this conflict? Worse yet, what if no one or nothing was engrained in her at all as to how to resolve her hurt and anger? What would she eventually do with all of that bottled up anger? I am so thankful and count it all blessing when keeping it all in perspective that I have been available to hug her, to take her up on my lap, to dry her tears, and shelter & guide her tender little heart. For the fact of the matter, to get straight to and draw out and deal with what is going on in her heart, the wellspring of life! To us as adults as we guide our children through these little dramas and trials, it's easy to laugh and count it as trivial. But it's not trivial to them! In their little hearts and minds, little things are a very big deal, and the way I see it in any relationship, if it's a big deal to the hurt person, it's a big deal!
Oh, exhausted, overwhelmed single mom, or working mother trying to balance career and family, how I know right where you are! I have been there! I have been a single mom where it was absolutely necessary to work not only one job but several at one time as I tried to make the ends meet while attempting to balance that with role of both mother and father to my infant son. And then along came husband and child number 2, in that season, both of us working full time and attending college in our "spare time" to finish up degrees that had been "interrupted" by well, life! I recall the feelings of guilt each time you drop your precious little one off at day care for the next 10-12 hours, the feeling of never being able to get it all done, the late nights and entire weekends spent catching up on everything at home that couldn't get done while you were at work.
I will share with you my thoughts more on this in a seperate post for the sake of being focused on the point I want you to take away from this particular topic of "Keeping It All In Perspective."
As I continued to walk through this one particular issue with my 8 year old right into bedtime, exhausted with the rehearsing of this incident countless times, as I prayed with her, guided her, rubbed her back until she fell asleep, as last night we spent an hour of our lives doing the bedtime routine of stories, prayers, tucking in, only to untuck and do it all over again for one last snack or drink or trip to the potty, etc., as I finally sat down after a very long day of not being done with my work, but at least being done with it for that day at 9:00 PM, instructing the 16 year old to get off the phone and webcam with the multiple friends she has "conferenced" in, and just as the other phone rang from the 18 year old who needs continual guidance that seems to often go on deaf ears, the words that came to mind were, point #(2):
(2) Keep It All In Perspective. In reality, as I reflect on the last couple of days/nights in my life in my starring role of parent, and as I reflect on forgetting important details of life like what YEAR it is, :) I must keep perspective. Perspective that one day sooner than we think, we will laugh at our mishaps, long for the days that they would be little enough again to take an hour of our evenings to be tucked in, be grateful for the never-ending late night phone calls or talks where we seemed to repeat ourselves endlessly on deaf ears and be told we have no idea what we are talking about to one day see the fruit of our labor as the small seeds we sowed, take root in their lives, and grow into all they were created for! So parents and parents to be, keep it all in perspective, laugh a little, get outside help, mentoring, training where necessary in all of those areas where we have no idea what we are doing, keep them constantly lifted in prayer, and walk in victory to the finish line of this high calling!
I by no means have arrived, I am by no means the perfect parent, I'm just like you, I have the same struggles, the same insecurities, worries, lack of experience, successes and failures. My heart for you as we journey along together down the parenting road is to share with you along the way in this ministry the training I have received, the lessons I have learned, the mistakes I have made, & that together we engage in the battle for the hearts of our children and fight the good fight of faith and have more and more moments of walking in victory in this complicated area of life rather than defeat!
I could not even begin to cover all there is to learn in the area of parenting in a lifetime, yet alone in a blog publishing for 1 day. However, what I can do is share with you experiences along the way that touch my heart in a way that I sense that another parent can be encouraged, spurred on, and ministered to.
In this particular post, the theme of my life in the parenting arena this week has been "Keep It All In Perspective." What do I mean by that? Well, let's begin with a reflection on some humor that I hope you can relate to. The problem with doing so is that for those of you who know me personally, there are just too many of those stories to possibly even begin to reflect on or share! To name just a few that come to mind off the top of my head, there are few professions like that of parenthood that cause us to drive to Michael's to purchase some craft supplies for a project, by the time you have arrived, you have completely forgotten why you have arrived there in the first place, only to eventually get to the check-out counter to pay, begin to write a check (because your husband otherwise has all the debit/credit cards & cash), and as you start filling in each line on the check you get to the line that reads, "date," and you completely draw blank. No, I'm not referring to the common practice among us of forgetting the day or worst case scenario maybe even the month. I am talking about entirely drawing blank as to what YEAR it is!! Imagine the dilemma of being in a position of needing to ask your cashier, "Excuse me ma'am, could you tell me the date?" To which she matter of factly responds, "Sure, it's the ____ (giving you the number date of the actual day)." You then break out in a cold sweat and hives and clear your throat as you try to ask in a tone that the other's in line behind you won't overhear when you ask a follow up question such as this, "Could you please tell me what YEAR it is?!" :)
As a matter of fact, as I reflect, I seem to have had many of these "Mommy Moments" throughout the course of my career as a mother! As I type in this very moment I seem to recall a similar occassion where upon standing in a post office line to mail a few items, it became necessary to ask (again in front of people that always seem to have it all together) the postal worker waiting on me, "Excuse me, ma'am, could you tell me how much a postage stamp is these days because I have a book of them here in my purse but it seems like I recently recall something being mentioned about postage going up and I'm not sure if these are outdated?!"
It's absolutely amazing to me as I reflect that any of the service people I have dealt with over the years of motherhood have patiently answered my absurd questions, but the fact that they have allowed me to walk out with my children still in tote and have not otherwise dialed 911 to report that a mentally ill and disoriented patient who does not even know what YEAR it currently is, has seemingly escaped a nearby psychiatric ward, is absolutely astonishing to me! :)
I humbly admit these rather embarrassing mishaps to you to prove to you that yes, we will one day look back in belly laughter, but more so because I KNOW you can relate! Please tell me you can at least and that I am not the only mother on planet Earth who has a reputation of putting ice cream away in the pantry rather than the freezer!
What occurred to me Monday afternoon when my 8 year old came home from school in tears and again last night during the what can usually be an hour long process of bedtime routine between my husband and I with our 8 & 4 year olds, is that we must keep it all in perspective. It amazes me that even in 2nd grade, 8 year old little girls wrestle with jealousy over one another. As my husband and I laugh at these little stories of drama that cause our 8 year old to arrive at the bus stop in tears which often (at least this week anyway) last for hours, and seem to be rehearsed in their 8 year old little minds over and over until they do exactly what we as adults do. We rehearse angers and hurts in our minds until we completely lose all control over our thought lives and become almost obsessed with the situation until we ultimately end up defeated. Anyway, that said, I guess there are 2 things on my heart for you from walking through this with her this week keeping with the theme of keeping it all in perspective.
(1) It is so important that we as parents be available to our children. There are so many negative influences in our current world writing messages on their impressionable little hearts, molding and shaping their character. We have to almost double our efforts and realign our priorities if necessary in order to ensure that WE as parents are the primary source of leaving these messages on their hearts and more so that we are writing the right messages! As I have reflected in order to know how to guide my little Belle through this situation wreaking havoc in her little spirit this week, I am soberly aware of this: What if I weren't available when she has arrived at the bus stop this week in emotional turmoil? Who and what message would be engrained in her tender little heart about how to resolve this conflict? Worse yet, what if no one or nothing was engrained in her at all as to how to resolve her hurt and anger? What would she eventually do with all of that bottled up anger? I am so thankful and count it all blessing when keeping it all in perspective that I have been available to hug her, to take her up on my lap, to dry her tears, and shelter & guide her tender little heart. For the fact of the matter, to get straight to and draw out and deal with what is going on in her heart, the wellspring of life! To us as adults as we guide our children through these little dramas and trials, it's easy to laugh and count it as trivial. But it's not trivial to them! In their little hearts and minds, little things are a very big deal, and the way I see it in any relationship, if it's a big deal to the hurt person, it's a big deal!
Oh, exhausted, overwhelmed single mom, or working mother trying to balance career and family, how I know right where you are! I have been there! I have been a single mom where it was absolutely necessary to work not only one job but several at one time as I tried to make the ends meet while attempting to balance that with role of both mother and father to my infant son. And then along came husband and child number 2, in that season, both of us working full time and attending college in our "spare time" to finish up degrees that had been "interrupted" by well, life! I recall the feelings of guilt each time you drop your precious little one off at day care for the next 10-12 hours, the feeling of never being able to get it all done, the late nights and entire weekends spent catching up on everything at home that couldn't get done while you were at work.
I will share with you my thoughts more on this in a seperate post for the sake of being focused on the point I want you to take away from this particular topic of "Keeping It All In Perspective."
As I continued to walk through this one particular issue with my 8 year old right into bedtime, exhausted with the rehearsing of this incident countless times, as I prayed with her, guided her, rubbed her back until she fell asleep, as last night we spent an hour of our lives doing the bedtime routine of stories, prayers, tucking in, only to untuck and do it all over again for one last snack or drink or trip to the potty, etc., as I finally sat down after a very long day of not being done with my work, but at least being done with it for that day at 9:00 PM, instructing the 16 year old to get off the phone and webcam with the multiple friends she has "conferenced" in, and just as the other phone rang from the 18 year old who needs continual guidance that seems to often go on deaf ears, the words that came to mind were, point #(2):
(2) Keep It All In Perspective. In reality, as I reflect on the last couple of days/nights in my life in my starring role of parent, and as I reflect on forgetting important details of life like what YEAR it is, :) I must keep perspective. Perspective that one day sooner than we think, we will laugh at our mishaps, long for the days that they would be little enough again to take an hour of our evenings to be tucked in, be grateful for the never-ending late night phone calls or talks where we seemed to repeat ourselves endlessly on deaf ears and be told we have no idea what we are talking about to one day see the fruit of our labor as the small seeds we sowed, take root in their lives, and grow into all they were created for! So parents and parents to be, keep it all in perspective, laugh a little, get outside help, mentoring, training where necessary in all of those areas where we have no idea what we are doing, keep them constantly lifted in prayer, and walk in victory to the finish line of this high calling!
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